No one said parenting was going to be easy or “sunshine and lollipops.” Sometimes despite our best efforts, our children do not turn out the way we had hoped they would. Sometimes, they even become self-centred and entitled. We did not teach them to be that way, but despite our best efforts, their behaviour is now beyond our control. If you notice your adult child is treating you disrespectfully, bullying you or manipulating you, he may have a narcissistic tendency. Here are some thoughts and an action plan.
Narcissistic adult children:
- demand you do what they want,
- try to control you,
- push every boundary,
- throw temper tantrums,
- blackmail you by withholding their love or your grandchildren,
- try to bribe you with sweetness and affection when they want something, and
- blame their behaviour on you.
Every time you give them what they want, they demand something else. They try to convince you your job is to make them happy. They try to manipulate you by stimulating your guilt and shame for every sin they allege you committed when they were children.
The list of your deficiencies never ends. If you were an average parent, don’t accept their blame and guilt. You don’t deserve to be used and abused. You don’t owe them anything anymore. Your only biggest mistake was giving in to them too much, hoping they’d wake up one day straightened out and love you like they did when they were children. Don’t hold your breath waiting for that miracle! Selfish, narcissistic, manipulative bullies misinterpret your kindness and compassion as weakness and an invitation to demand more. They think they’re entitled to whatever they want. They always have reasons, excuses and justifications for being obnoxious. They claim their problems and rotten lives are all your fault. Their explanations will last forever.
I’ve never seen parents be able to purchase respect and civility from these narcissistic adult children. There’s no hope down that path. Stop meddling and enabling them. These adult children will always be predators if you continue to feed them. The only route with hope is to stop giving them anything. Demand civil behaviour or cut off contact with them. Don’t debate or argue about who’s right. Tell them you know they’re strong enough to make wonderful lives for themselves. Be full of joy when you protect yourself and your future because you are taking your life back. Now you can enjoy the rest of your life. You can surround yourself with people who respect and admire you and with people who are fun to be around.
Of course, this is a difficult decision to make, and there are usually many complications; however, if you continue to feed them while they rip your heart out, you’ll be bled dry. Your life will shrivel up like a prune.
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always desired.
- CALL THE BURNOUT QUEEN!